Mediation or court? How to choose

Most people who come to me after a separation, or after a parent has died, are already sure a court case lies ahead. Sometimes that is right. More often there is another way, and it starts with a simple question: is there anything to agree on.

Mediation, briefly

In mediation the parties sit together with a mediator, who neither decides nor represents either side. The mediator runs the conversation, helps each side understand what really matters to them and to the other, and turns what was agreed into a written agreement. That agreement can be submitted for approval to the Family Court or a religious court, and then it has the force of a judgment.

What is said in mediation is confidential. If mediation does not succeed, each side is free to go to court, and what was said in the room will not be used against them.

When mediation fits

• When you share children, and will need to keep talking after the file is closed.
• When the dispute is about how to divide, not whether a right exists. Who stays in the home, for example, and what the other receives.
• For siblings sharing an inheritance who want to stay a family after the division.
• When privacy matters to you. Mediation does not happen in a courtroom, and there is no transcript on a court file.

When court is the better path

• When there is violence, threats or fear. Those situations call for protection, not negotiation.
• When one side is hiding assets or information, and there is no way to check what they present.
• When an urgent order is needed, about children or to stop property being moved.
• When one party will not come, or comes only to buy time.

If a request to settle the dispute has already been filed

In most disputes between partners and family members in Israel, the process now starts with a request to settle the dispute, followed by preliminary meetings at the assistance unit attached to the court. Those meetings do not oblige you to agree to anything. They do give you a chance to see whether mediation fits, at the unit or with a private mediator you choose together.

How I work

When I act as a mediator, I am neutral. I do not represent whoever contacted me first, and I will not later represent either side against the other in the same matter. Before signing, I recommend each of you consult your own lawyer. And when I represent a client in proceedings, I keep checking for an opening to agree, because a good agreement almost always saves time, money and pain.

If you are not sure which path suits you, that is exactly the question for a first meeting.

This letter is general information, not legal advice. Every case is different, and the law changes from time to time. Before acting, it is worth taking advice on your own circumstances.